I started this process at 179 lbs., 6-1/2 weeks ago. For about 3 days last week I weighed 175. Yahoo! A four-pound weight loss. Yesterday I weighed in at 177. Today even more. Ugh. Or, should I say ‘Blerg!’ I haven’t missed a single workout (except that one Saturday in Seattle during the 2nd week…and I did workout in my room, if you recall). The only time I’ve cheated on my diet (except for the Seattle trip) was when Nick said I need to have three cheat meals per week (or save them all up for one meal, which is what I do). I’ve done that two weeks in a row. Last week I cheated, two days later I had lost 2-1/2 lbs. This week I gained it all back.  I have not taken my measurements again…that’s scheduled for this coming Saturday. I figure three-week intervals is plenty often. But now I’m afraid I’ll have grown back the 7 inches I lost when I measured two weeks ago. Anxiety is high.

I’m pretty diligent about my diet, and I’m pushing myself harder and harder in the gym, lifting more and more each time. My knee is largely on the mend, in fact yesterday and today mark the first days I have foregone the ibprofen since I injured it. And last week I did the weighted squats, without a knee wrap, and didn’t re-injure it. I just can’t squat as low as I’d like. This is the third week of four-day-a-week cardio intervals (four intervals each time), which is up from three days/three intervals of the first four weeks.

So aside from the still-assumed 7-inch loss, and having doubled my weights (or more) on most lifts and exercises, I got nuthin’ good to report. Bob says my stomach looks thinner…I don’t trust it because he loves me. Someone said my face looks thinner this week…I don’t see it. I wish I’d taken pictures like Nick suggested, to start with. But I didn’t. My clothes are ever so slightly looser, and my belt is still one notch tighter than when I started (actually, depending on the pants). Sigh. Oh well, better luck next week, huh?

I haven’t missed any workouts nor intervals. Today I’m down a pound. Yay. Not that I trust it to stay away. I’ve lost seven inches from my body. I first measured on January 31st and then again this past Saturday, February 20th. That’s seven inches in three weeks. The best part is that I take two measurements around my middle…sort of a high stomach (well below the waist) and a lower stomach (but above the rear)…I lost two inches on each of those two measurements!! And the belt is still at one notch tighter. So I’m good. Not great–that would take a five-pound loss over this past 4-1/2 weeks. But good.

As I mentioned on the 16th, I really whacked out my knee (lovely Krysten), and spent the next several days icing, eventually heating, and after a couple days, downing massive quantities of ibuprofen. I’m still taking 800-1600 grams of ibuprofen every day, because the knee has not yet gone all the way down, nor has it stopped hurting entirely. Yesterday afternoon I actually felt largely pain free, no joint stiffness nor muscle pain, for about 5 hours. Then I went to the gym. I’ve been pushing myself as hard as I can every time I work out at the gym. Saturday was frustrating because we all (about 14 of us) showed up at once, and there were a bunch of men working out on the weights as well. I ended up riding my bike home and finishing up in my dining room. So now I show up at my regular time slot (the second one) which means over half of my health-cohorts are wrapping up when I arrive.

Tuesday night (last night) we were doing weighted lunges and ‘bendy-squats.’ Nick (kind and wise Yoda) had us using 20 lb bars, held up on the back of the shoulders, and doing lunges. Because all the bars were in use he said to use 20 lbs in hand-held weights. So I did. But because I had 20 lbs in each hand, I was lunging and bendy-squatting with 40 lbs. Yoda was impressed. 

When I say ‘bendy-squats,’ of course that isn’t what they’re called. But I can’t remember the actual name. Probably have some Eastern European name with a torture word…like Hungarian Pull Aparts. Just kidding. Anyway, holding the 2o lb hand weights, I bent over at the waist and back up again. Form: knees slightly bent, back flat (which means stick out my butt). He threw in some ‘bend slightly at the knees while jumping up a tiny bit as you push hand weights all the way up from the shoulders to the ceiling’ things for good measure. Then the second set included something new. I pulled weights from a standing weight stack, once pulling down and to my side, and another time pulling from the floor, way up past my ears. Both of these were done on each side of my body. Having done this, I can visualize what I’m describing. I’m sure anyone who’s worked out at Loprinzi’s with Nick can visualize it. The rest of you are probably glazing over right about now. Just know it was doable but hard.

The lunges re-traumatized the problem child. I woke up in the night and my knee was numb and hurting. Today going down stairs is harder and it’s more swollen than yesterday. But I’ll take a day off of exercise (do my intervals tomorrow morning) and ice it this evening when I have time. I wrapped it tightly with an ace bandage and covered that with a sleeve wrap before my workout…but lunges are brutal. I really felt the burn in my thighs at the time.

One great note: The wise and kindly Yoda told me I can add a few cheat-calories to my diet 3 meals a week. I’m guessing only about 100 calories each…but I can easily, happily throw some carbs in there periodically! It is scary to risk weight gain, but if Yoda says I can, I’m going to give it a try. Castagna’s, here I come. Either half of one of their luscious burgers, or a Margherita pizza! Yummmm.

A couple of the exercises were potentially hard on my knees. One hundred and twenty jumping jacks certainly contributed to the end trauma, but the real killer was the weighted squats. I held a 20 lb. bar above my head and did eight or ten squats–four rounds. Sounds like no big deal. However, there were a couple of catches to it. First, I had to hold my arms straight without bending my elbows, in a slight V. So imagine pushing up and out on a bar that you’re holding over your head…elbows straight. Now squat…as deep as you can. Keep your lower back straight so you don’t strain it. If I didn’t think about nor focus on the squats, I could (and did) do a pretty good job at the upper body part of the lift. When I thought about where my feet were and how deep I was squatting, my elbows would bend. And of course Attila was right there to straighten them.  Second, Attila instructed us to squat as deeply as we could. Now, as I’ve mentioned before, I have always operated on a sense of accountability. I want to please my coach. I want my ‘good job!’ And, since I had not pushed myself enough on the prior Tuesday, I wanted to feel the burn this time. So I held that bar up with elbows as straight as possible while squatting to what felt like the floor (I really can’t say how low I dipped…but I did get a couple ‘that’s good‘s from Yoda. Not good.

When I woke up on Friday, I could barely walk. Both knees were sore, but my left knee was so swollen I couldn’t bend it. I iced it for 20-30 minutes (front and back each) three or four times that day and again on Saturday. By Saturday evening I added heat to the more painful area and it actually felt a bit better for the first time in two days. Sunday and Monday, more of the same…waking each morning feeling just a bit better, and then getting less comfortable as the day wore on.

A couple things are working ‘against’ the healing. For one thing, ever once in a while, with no warning, my knee kind of ‘pops’ and it (for lack of better description) sort of twists sideways for a second. That causes temporary pain. Another problem is the ongoing, re-offending exercise. Both Friday and Monday mornings I did my 19 minutes on the elliptical (if you recall, it’s stuck on the highest intensity…so even when I’m supposed to be ‘walking,’ it’s like walking uphill).  And Sunday, walking a minimum of 10 flights of stairs (laundry in the basement) was a problem because going down stairs is traumatizing to the knee.  This morning my knee felt better than it has since the initial insult. I haven’t abused it with any exercise. I did start taking ibuprofen yesterday afternoon, and I took 800 mg again this morning–not for the pain, but for the inflammation.

At the daughter’s insistence (and honestly, for my own self protection) I ‘wrapped the heck out of it’ on Saturday before my workout. Yoda assigned me two substitutes for that workout. Instead of jumping jacks, I did the bench bicycles (flat on my back on a bench, opposite elbows to knees) which I controlled as far as depth of knee bend. Instead of the evil Get-Ups (which hurt my knee a couple of weeks ago when it was still ’healthy’) I did the weighted side bends. While I protected my knee I lifted as much weight as I possibly could. In one of the lifts…something like a ‘scarecrow’ lift (??) I “bounce” a bit at the knees and pull the weights up as far as I can…kind of up into my underarms. When I did this on Saturday, I pushed myself to lift a whopping 25 lbs, and each time I lifted, my upper lip curled compulsively. It was such a funny little uncontrollable body response which I’ve never before experienced.

This being Tuesday, I will work out again tonight. Wrapping the knee will be standard for the foreseeable future. My new goal is to focus on lifting as much weight in everything I do, to move quickly from one exercise to the next, and to be very careful not to over-bend my knees ever again! I’m finally (consistently) back down to 178 lbs after my Seattle weekend…and this even after having a luscious birthday dinner at my sister’s house on Saturday. And here’s the biggest thrill of all: this morning as I was waking up in bed, as I absent-mindedly rested my hand on my stomach I was startled to feel how flat my stomach felt!! AND when I dressed today my belt naturally buckled one notch tighter!!! Woo hoo! And this was not the case when I was at 178 two weeks ago.

So. Onward.

Last night was the first workout of my 3rd week. I had already told myself that I was going to push myself, lifting as much weight as I possibly could. But as I was driving away from the gym I realized, I really didn’t do that. Sure…I lifted more weight than last time…but my goal from now on is to lift so much that I have to move backwards in weight. I’m remembering that first week of pain and thinking, “Pain, I miss you.” At least I felt like I was accomplishing something. So that’s on me. Too wussey and not brave enough. And if I have anything to do with it, it stops NOW!

That was most of the dissatisfaction…not feeling like I’m making any progress after two full weeks. It was also the “too little” reference in my title today. The “too much” reference is the ever-challenging, always evil cardio intervals. I always manage to get them done, but I always really, really hate them. And I can hear Nick’s voice saying “have a positive attitude.” Well…actually, I’ve never heard him say it, but he wrote it in his Bootcamp “Owners Manual” as well as more than one email. I keep thinking about how hard the intervals are now…and in a week and a half they will increase in regularity as well as intensity (adding to the number of intervals per week, as well as per session). AUUGHHH! The (in)Humanity of it!

I know this sounds not positive in attitude. I really don’t like it at all. That, by definition, is negative. That said, I am still thrilled to be able to attend this bootcamp, and while I wouldn’t say I actually look forward to the gym workouts, I really enjoy them a lot while I’m there. I feel very proud of myself every time I leave the gym and every time I complete an interval.

Here’s the not so great news. I did this for 1-3/4 weeks and then went off to Seattle for a weekend. While there I did not count calories, ate in restaurants and drank alcohol. That said, I made largely healthy choices and said no to goodies I’ve always enjoyed while on vacation. I ate nothing extra. I ordered poached eggs for breakfast, for crying out loud. I even did my Saturday workout in my hotel room…and it was not an easy one. When I got home, I’d gained 2 lbs. That’s one pound that I had previously lost on my first week of bootcamp, and one pound that I’d lost while on my own diet for the couple of weeks preceding boot camp. So you do the math–yep, back up to 180 lbs after (now) 2-1/2 weeks of exercise and deprivational dieting (well…technically 4 weeks of the dieting). And, I reduced my allotted calories 3 times throughout that first week.

At this point, I’m still all in…I’m giving this everything I’ve got, and continuing the program. I keep a sticky note a couple places in my environment, on which I’ve written my goal-weight, my desired weight-loss, and my goal-date. (160 lbs, having lost 20 lbs, by May 1st 2010.) These are my visual aids to keep me motivated and positive. So it’s become more difficult to stay positive. Even if I don’t consider the disappointing numbers, my body is feeling beat up…my knees are now in constant pain, (no exaggeration, here) so I had to go get some knee supports at Freddy’s. They really helped amazingly well during last night’s workout. I just wish my pants would fit a smidge looser, or I could lose a couple pounds again, immediately. I need a sign here–anything!

Anyway…wish me luck

Man! I’m sore. Ow…that hurts. Sigh, I wonder if I’ll ever quit hurting. Hmm, I’m actually feeling better. Wow! I don’t hurt today.

No one wanted to read that. So…I’ve gotten through my first full week and have embarked on my second. I went to boot camp three times last week and did my cardio intervals at home three times. I watched my calories while attempting to eat more protein than I ever imagined possible each day.  I took my measurements, which are, of course on the computer which is currently on the fritz. Not that I would share them here anyway.  And I lost one pound. As of Monday, February 1st, I weigh 178.  Sunday I experienced this wonderful and odd event…I did not have to do any exercise at all!! It was nice, and that’s the reason for the eventual lack of pain.

So Monday I was back at the intervals followed by boot camp on Tuesday evening. And of course, more intervals this morning. But I want to talk about this thing (I’m probably calling it by the wrong name) called Hungarian Get-Ups? As assigned by Attila, I layed down on the floor, flat on my back, feet flat on the floor with knees bent and stretched one arm straight up into the air (eventually to hold a weight in that hand). Then I attempted to get up off the floor with that hand remaining stretched straight up at the ceiling. Right. Well…this was my first embarrassing moment since boot camp began. Not only could I not get off the floor at all, I hurt my knee as well. Today my knee feels swollen behind the knee cap from my two or three attempts.

My problem is this:  because I never had to work out the ‘kinks’ with my knees way back when I was in high school, I haven’t been able to completely bend them since my broken legs healed. They were straight for over 4 months of healing, after which I literally had to learn to walk all over again. At 13 years old, when I got the body cast removed and (with the help of the doctor) swung my legs over the edge of the bed to stand, my fat little balls of flesh I called feet, simply rolled. They would not and did not hold my weight at all. It took weeks of practice, physical therapy, and starting out with a walker, before I could walk again. Unfortunately, I was never required to bend my knees all the way…I can’t sit on my knees nor bend them into a cross-legged position. So, last night when I attempted to stand from the floor, my knees were required to bend further than literally possible. My right knee is fine, but the left one has an attitude. Sort of pouting at being required to perform. It feels swollen, but I’ve got such fat knees anyway, who knows if it is visually swollen. When the pain and swelling subside, I’ll get some knee wraps and work on that move. Slowly. Maybe start by stretching and strengthening the knees first. I’ll ask Yoda what might help with that.

Yoda rescued me from the evil Hungarian Get-Ups and had me hold a 15 pound weight and simply do side bends. Not so bad. Supposed to tone or strengthen some muscle used in weightlifting…at the waist….the name for which I no longer recall. Oh…and to add insult to injury, a new fellow boot camper started last night. She is young, thin, and can apparently hang from her toes. She popped right up from the Get-Ups. Push-ups were on the list of exercises last night too…of course I do them from my knees. She tossed my knee pad aside and ripped off 8 perfect push ups from her toes. Sigh. I don’t need to see that. That said…there are others at boot camp who are beginning closer to my level of ability and body shape. So I’m not too wounded. It will only take a few days for my poor ego to fully recover.

Today I am mildly stiff and sore (aside from the much aforementioned knee) and really happy to be doing this!

So of course I’m still doing right-side-of-the-mirror exercises. At this point, when I’ve just completed my warmup, and am receiving instruction on the proper form of the day’s moves, I see Yoda standing there. As I begin the work, kind and wise Yoda encourages me with “good form…you’ve got it,” and such comments. By the beginning of the second set I look up to see Attila standing there reminding me to ‘stay with it…10 more…get your hips up…” Might not be fair to Nick, but I’m not about to take responsibility for the pain (physical and emotional) I’m experiencing in that moment. The way I see it, that’s partly what a trainer is for! I mean–you try thinking kind thoughts about a guy who’s standing there watching your entire body violently shaking in a plank who says ‘get your hips up.’ Right.

This external accountability is a strange concept…and for me it’s very real. I want to please all three of my trainers (and I’ll probably want to please Olaf as well, if I ever encounter him). I feel like a dog who gets a “good girl!” So proud of myself! Well, okay, that’s a bit over the top, but you get the idea. So this morning I’m upstairs (at home) doing the dreaded cardio intervals and I actually channel Yoda & Attila in my head. The fast speed of each round is one minute long…until today I have not been able to do that. Out of 3 rounds, today I did two of them lasting a full minute…the third round, only 45 seconds. My lungs are still feeling it, 40 minutes later.

On the topic of how your trainer performs, Nick wrote his own blog post. If you’d like his perspective on how to select a trainer check it out: http://wp.me/pIslF-ax.  Also, if I’m going to quote or paraphrase people in my life, I should do so accurately. What Brandy said about working out the pain was “it will work the lactic acid out and you will be sore in a different way, not that you won’t be sore.”  Nearly my entire body is tender and achy and I never felt better!  Thanks Yoda.

When Brandy and I chatted on facebook today she said tonight’s workout would loosen up those sore muscles and I wouldn’t be in pain when I got done. She wasn’t entirely wrong. I didn’t hurt in the same places upon completing the workout. I hurt in new places, and felt nauseous. I drove home where the wonderful Bob prepared me some luscious poached halibut and steamed asparagus…and I was barely able to eat half of my fish and a small portion of the veggies. I did have a salad before I left for the gym. Maybe Saturday I won’t eat until after the workout. Now it’s been about 90 minutes since I ate and I feel fine. Hungry, but no nausea.

Contemplating the exercises and ‘weights’ (I use that term loosely) that I did tonight, I can’t believe I even broke a sweat. Amazing how out of shape one person can be. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one looking and feeling that weak…it’s actually a good thing to have others going through the same program. So tonite as far as attitude goes, Yoda was my trainer. As far as the workout itself…he was all Attila. Let me just say planks are evil. I don’t mean it’s my opinion that planks are evil–it’s a fact. I wonder what will happen when I actually start lifting real weights.

Tomorrow morning–interval cardio.

In addition to the three gym workouts each week, I’ll be doing cardio intervals. Beginning with three times weekly, I can do this at any point in my week with the exception of just prior to my weight-lifting. Yesterday I did the cardio in the morning on my elliptical machine, and then I did that again today so I won’t have to do it tomorrow on lift-day. As the program progresses I’ll have to do longer intervals and more often per week. I don’t like the cardio intervals. Never have. But in the past, doing intervals on my own, I’d wimp out. Now I have accountability in Nick, having made a comittment to myself and to him. I’m always better with some external accountability.

So…Nick. Yoda. Attila the Hun. (The latter being reserved for those days I’m in pain or misery…I’ll assign him the fault.) Nick Horton of PDX Weightlifting (www.PDXWeightlifting.com), The Iron Samurai (http://www.theironsamurai.com), and his Barracuda Boot Camp ©2010. I can’t say enough about Nick. Last night when I left home my sweet husband (Bob) said “have fun.” I snapped at him “I’m not going to have fun!! I’m going out in my pajamas to jiggle my fat in front of strangers, in public!!! Poor Bob. And when I arrived, I felt sooo conspicuous. I did my warmup in front of a freaking mirror! Ugh. Then the workout started. Nick was so gracious. He was relaxed, peaceful yet excited, confident, knowledgable, and all of this created a really safe space in which for me to work and learn. My anxiety melted away and before I knew it my first workout was over!  When I got home I had so much energy I couldn’t sit down for more than 15 minutes at a time. I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but when my head hit the pillow around 11:30 I was out!

I’ll write more later about diet. I’ve eaten pretty healthy even before I started the boot camp, so I actually wasn’t able to eat all the calories I had allotted yesterday. Today’s an ‘off’ day, meaning I’m not working out, so I have fewer calories for today. I’m curious to see where my weight is at the end of this week. Oh…and I’ve heretofore reported my starting weight as 180…it’s been pretty consistently 179 this past week, so I’ll start from there.

Today is a great day! I’m happy, proud of myself and thinking I might actually be able to do this. Life is good and Rose is pleased! (I’ll leave Rose for another time.)

So here it is: I have not worked out in public for 15 years or more; at times I care about how I look; I have no desire to work out at a gym with 20-something skinny girls; I’m a control freak who likes to know what I’ll need in every situation, and have it; I’m not entirely comfortable (emotionally) with my clothing options. These are certainly the main areas of distress.

The type-B in me says: Just show up. You’ll learn what you need from going once, and you’ll have it the next time. Who cares what anyone thinks? You’re certainly not going to pose a threat to anyone. This is for you not for anyone else. Ms. Type-A says: Yeah. No.

While I haven’t worked out in public for so many years this does not, however, mean I have not exercised. I have a limited, old weight machine at home and an even more dilapidated elliptical (which is stuck on the highest difficulty level–but that’s not saying much). I’ve used this equipment since 1997 or so, with some regularity. But my workouts have been inconsistent in structure, duration, and focus, with the exception of this past couple years when I had a plan prepared for me. It included circuit training, weight training and aerobics. The problem is that I did that same workout for nearly two years until I created chronic muscle pain in my upper arms, and besides, it wasn’t a whole-body workout. I have a feeling that my new workouts will consist of 30 minutes of nauseating work followed by 30 minutes of stabilizing my system in any number of ways before I can get home to die. Maybe not. We’ll see. This is also the first time I’ve worked out with a trainer. (He has 5-7 people in the class, so I won’t have him all to myself.)

I also feel the need (Ms. Type-A, here) to mention that while I weigh 180, I am 5’10.” Still overweight, fat, out of shape…but depending on my clothes, and my posture (standing vs sitting) I don’t always look like it. I’ll be ecstatic if I can lose 20 lbs and maintain it. That would take me down to 160. I remember a couple years ago when I was on ’Jenny’ my step daughter looked at me and said ”how much weight are you gonna lose, anyway?’ (Inference: ‘aren’t you thin enough already?’) I was at about 168 at the time.  I’m serious when I say while, sure I want to be slender, more importantly I want to be healthy enough to walk, exercise, and move freely throughout my entire life. And I completely expect to live past 100 years. So that makes my biggest problem chronic joint pain due to way too many injuries over the years to mention, combined with too little exercise. So just for example: when I broke both my legs (4 major breaks) at 13, my doctor excused me from PE for the next 3 years of school. It wasn’t required my senior year, so I skipped it. I know–shocking and deplorable, but true.

So I don’t know about ‘once more,’ but ‘Into the Breach I Go!’ (Drama is oddly comforting to me–when I’m the one being dramatic.) Wish me luck!

So here’re the scary stats: I’m 52.11 years old and I weigh 180 lbs. As I write this I’m sitting at the Timberline Lodge while my sweetie skis (one must remain upright for at least part of the event in order to actually ski…which leaves me out). So, anyway, I’m at the Ram’s Head at Timberline and it feels like my computer screen is a gigantic flashing neon sign and everyone is reading it. I’m scrolling every few sentences so my words are off screen for fear someone will read it over my shoulder. Sure—I’m posting this online on my blog, (I just typed ‘body’ instead of ‘blog…’ again with the Freudian), but I’m afforded a great deal of (even if only ‘perceived’) anonymity online. 

As usual I’m avoiding the real—scary—subject with humor. I am going to do three workouts a week in side-splitting, gut-wrenching work for the next three months! Good news is, they’re only half-hour workouts. I know—sounds really wimpy, huh? But I hear they’re the Everest of all workouts. I’ll probably be able to better describe them once I’ve actually begun doing them.  I’m currently in that ‘too ignorant to be afraid’ stage, where I’m alluding myself into thinking, “I can do anything for a half hour, and then it’s over.” Right? Most likely, I’ll end up with that lactic acidosis condition and I’ll be crying from day two until about the beginning of the third month. (If I’m lucky.) Or I’ll embarrass myself by throwing up everything in my stomach half way through my first workout.

I haven’t even seen the diet yet…I hear its about 1000 calories per day. OMG just doesn’t describe it. So I’m thinking I must be insane, (you all can decide for yourselves as to the state of my mental health) but I’m going to jump. This is J-minus 75 (75 hours til I jump).